Trigger point: Parking Tamil movie
Triggered: Self-consciousness
Train of thoughts: Wondered why I liked family and moral values, honesty and truth? Why I liked actors Venkatesh (Telugu actor) and Dileep (Malayalam Actor)? Why I search for movies like ஆறிலிருந்து அறுவது வரை and directors like Visu and Sathyan Anthikad? What is so special about movies like நண்பகல் நேரத்து மயக்கம்? Why I wanted a large family when I married my wife? Why I thrive to attend every function of my family and my wife's? What is so special about the place I have born? Why is the culture so captivating? Why are my interests in agriculture and deep-rooted in what my ancestors did?
Realization: Belonging! I don't think I belong in the rat-race I am running right now. Somewhere the identity is lost - while studying in a school which was trying to give me identity? (which I now realize that its changing my own roots), while pursuing my college? (actually now I think about it, I was and am gifted with like-minded confused idiots), while searching for and identifying my work-place? (damn, what is this fascination for?)!
My run has been what it has been, I cannot change it. My every step (school, college, work) and my father's (school, college, work-partially) has all been driven by my nation's drivers. That is too much to break-down, but I now can see it. My father was driven to "Britisher's school and college" and so was my mother. This deep-rooted ideology broke my grandfather's way of life. But my father went back to agriculture and probably realized the core values somewhere in his route (Bsc Zoology in Pachaiappa college to courier service to agriculture is no easy deal). It has taken me 43 years (my age now) to realize that I was influenced and driven by most of my past and around.
Past: Britishers influence on education.
Around: Politics, Westernization, Globalization... damn everything that was pushing me away from my roots!
Ok what now? Fuck it... Want to go back to roots and the way of life that was deep-rooted (close to nature)... Lets see how it unfurls!
What am I doing now... Processing green card in USA (because I am able to with EB1), getting prepared for retirement at 55 (frankly never knew I could do this earlier or later), maturing into an individual who can take whatever else shit is going to be thrown at me!
