Self-realization at its best

Trigger point:  Parking Tamil movie

Triggered: Self-consciousness

Train of thoughts:  Wondered why I liked family and moral values, honesty and truth?  Why I liked actors Venkatesh (Telugu actor) and Dileep (Malayalam Actor)?  Why I search for movies like ஆறிலிருந்து அறுவது வரை and directors like Visu and Sathyan Anthikad?  What is so special about movies like நண்பகல் நேரத்து மயக்கம்?  Why I wanted a large family when I married my wife?  Why I thrive to attend every function of my family and my wife's?  What is so special about the place I have born?  Why is the culture so captivating?  Why are my interests in agriculture and deep-rooted in what my ancestors did?

Realization:  Belonging!  I don't think I belong in the rat-race I am running right now.  Somewhere the identity is lost - while studying in a school which was trying to give me identity? (which I now realize that its changing my own roots), while pursuing my college? (actually now I think about it, I was and am gifted with like-minded confused idiots), while searching for and identifying my work-place? (damn, what is this fascination for?)!

My run has been what it has been, I cannot change it.  My every step (school, college, work) and my father's (school, college, work-partially) has all been driven by my nation's drivers.  That is too much to break-down, but I now can see it.  My father was driven to "Britisher's school and college" and so was my mother.  This deep-rooted ideology broke my grandfather's way of life.  But my father went back to agriculture and probably realized the core values somewhere in his route (Bsc Zoology in Pachaiappa college to courier service to agriculture is no easy deal).  It has taken me 43 years (my age now) to realize that I was influenced and driven by most of my past and around.

Past: Britishers influence on education.

Around: Politics, Westernization, Globalization... damn everything that was pushing me away from my roots!

Ok what now?  Fuck it... Want to go back to roots and the way of life that was deep-rooted (close to nature)... Lets see how it unfurls!

What am I doing now... Processing green card in USA (because I am able to with EB1), getting prepared for retirement at 55 (frankly never knew I could do this earlier or later), maturing into an individual who can take whatever else shit is going to be thrown at me!

Fatherhood and looking up

     I am getting old and only means I start drawing inspirations from people who have walked this stage already.  It is only natural that my dad is the first person who I look up to.  Especially when I am one, I dont have to look anywhere else.

     When I had a chance to be with him for several years, there were so many other things to do and hardly talking to him is something I have done.  Do I regret for that, yes but I dont have to, as that was also a stage I had to cross without his help/inspiration.  Of course, when I was a little baby, I wanted him as a toy.  When I was a growing kid, I tried imitating him so I could survive in the world (because he is surviving).  When I was an adult, I saw him my competition.  When I got married, there were so many things to look outside the home, I hardly noticed him.  Now that I am a dad myself, I really start looking up for a fatherly figure and when I have him around, I feel the time is running out.

   Will I have enough time to talk to him?
   Will I have enough time to learn from him?
   Will I have the energy to balance him along with me being a father?
   Will I have the right attitude and mentality to resolve any "conflicts" and "politics"?

   I only hope my upbringing answers them all.  Dad your upbringing is tested through me right now!  I need Mom's strength and will power to see through this phase of life.  I obviously need the support from spouse and everyone else to stand by me and my failures!

A drunkard's ramblings

Well, where do we start today?  Ok, lets do the favorite... What is the purpose of human existence?  Damn, is that a difficult question.  Who the fuck cares? Let me go on rambling...

A double large (90*2) Bacardi Gold, the Puerto Rican Rum @ 40% ALC by Vol is what I am having.  With Cheetos crunchy that is made with real cheese, who cares about my ramblings.  Who does even read blogs anymore.  When you travel in your thirties (35 precisely), introspection doesnt bring too much joy.  You got to have friends who listen to read the blogs.  Do I have any left over?  Did I even have any to start with?  Again a friend is just a thing!  Who bothers?  Life moves on so fast, no body has the time to stand and stare. Only if I tried to look upon someone as a friend will another look upon me as one.  I am neither standing nor staring.

It is 7PM PST on the 26th of October 2015.  I am now executing projects coming my way.  My first client doesnt respond anymore because of the small duel we had.  Although he is from New York, he has engaged with his country mate (maybe) to proceed with projects, the payment is pending though and considerable amount too (~$6000).  I have moved on to projects from my friends.  A project from my acquaintance with a person from my current company.  The work is coming along just fine - payment was anyways not a part of the deal but it might shape into later phases or projects.  A project from my childhood friend is shaping up but the deal is not through yet.  As far as work, nothing interesting... just goes along everyday.  Well, the past is keeping things calm!

Been married for 2 years now.  Although my wife would say 2 years, 5 months and 11 days, I would try not to interfere.  A baby is due.  But my heart doesnt celebrate just yet especially with the past experiences.  Even with two past miscarriages, my wife, though is celebrating.  With "valakaapu" on November 16th and the due date on February 15th, 2016, shouldnt I be enjoying too?  Well, pain in the heart is too heavy about the past and doesnt want to cut to happiness just yet.

All these for what?
Damn, nothing!

And what is the past?
Damn, nothing!

Becoming a person with a cold heart is what is left over.  But isnt the past that shapes the future to be blamed?  Well as Sivaji in Parasakthi becomes cold, so do I.  But human existence?  And all the petty fights about tamil (language), dravidian (race), tamilian / indian (place), reddy (caste), piece-of-land/relationships/etc lead to where?

You come to USA because fate brings you, you were born, because fate brings you.  But what are we doing at all?  At the very least, if not able to crack the code for existence, just pass on the generations.  Just like following temple superstitions given to you by your origin to your future generations, pass on the existence as well.  May be some later generation can crack it all up.

Poor country

America is the poorest of the countries in -

  (A) Spirituality, Friendship, Relationship
  (B) Reproduction, Manufacturing, Creation
  (C) Living, Earning, Saving

  What good are the roads if they lead to nowhere?
  What good is the economy if it doesnt encourage saving?
  What good are the people if they are always suspicious of others?
  What good is the quality of living if it doesnt let you relax?
  What good is the corporate culture if it is not for the needy?
  What good are the explorations if they dont improve humanity?
  What good is the development if it cannot produce on its own?
  What good is the advancement if it is full of debts?

Time is faster than thoughts, indeed!

They are called "Observers", thanks to "The Fringe" TV series for the word.  Imagine if we could do that atleast for the past that we have lived.  Interesting to put a lens, rewind and forward the time I have lived.  I would start doing several things.

First and foremost, would be to study about the weather patterns in the last 100 years or so.  Try to match and correlate that with various culture's study of the weather - leave no stones un-turned, I would like to take synopsis from Astronomy and Astrology especially from the Hindu culture.  Trying to look at various calendars itself gives me a cold feeling that the information is already there and data we try to correlate is only to reverse some of our understandings of superstitions.  Over generations, we have lost the knowledge, and only carry beliefs.  Several calendars Tamil, Gregorian, Hijri are followed in just where i live.  Imagine if the 60 year calendar in Tamil has a great significance that can answer the crop rotation and human behaviour patterns (astrology)!

A rock has a larger lifetime than humans or any so called 'living' creatures as we call it.  I sincerely hope there are many other 'things' that 'live'.  And the most important thing that should be done by studying 'time' is to carefully 'let' these 'things' 'live' so us humans can have more generations of lifetime.

Already, I know that each of us have individual micro lives that our past generations lacked.  These micro lives are what is making each of us hang on to some form of net-logging.  Out past generations either couldnt find a way to express it or lacked tools to embrace those talents.  Us on the other hand have started embracing it.  Only 'time' can tell how well these micro lives can exchange values with environment so we can co-exist for several generations to come.

An idea, a patent, a copyright is only limited in time of its owner.  Imagine if Newton filed a patent for gravity applications.  A royalty is again a joke, very limited in nature.  We humans lose almost all of our lives living these jokes.  Time flies by and only later does one realize the real 'search' in life.  Once you know, you do two things - you realize it is of no use explaining the same to future generations and next is useless for you too as time has been faster than your thought!

ஏனடி கலங்குகிறாய்?

ஏனடி கலங்குகிறாய்?

என்ன குறையடி உனக்கும் எனக்கும்?

இந்த தாய் மண்ணில், பிறந்த பூமியில்

என்ன இல்லை உனக்கும் எனக்கும்?

தாய் மடி இருக்கு, நாம் உறங்க

தந்தை காவல் இருக்கு, நமது நிம்மதியா

சகோதர சகோதரி இருக்கு, நாம் பகிர

உற்றார் உறவினர் இருக்கு, நம்மை கண்டுகொல்ல

ஏனடி கலங்குகிறாய்?

என்ன இல்லையடி உனக்கும் எனக்கும்?

இந்த தாய் மண்ணில், பிறந்த பூமியில்

என்ன கலக்கம் உனக்கும் எனக்கும்?

வயல் வெளி இருக்கு, பயிர் அறுக்க

தெய்வம் காவல் இருக்கு, நாம் துதிக்க 

வற்றா கடல் இருக்கு, நாம் அருந்த

மரமும் வானமும் இருக்கு, நம்மை சூழ

வாழடி வாழ் 

அளவில்லா சந்தோஷத்துடன் வாழ் 

நாம் வாழ மட்டும் ஏன் கலங்கவேண்டும் 

அகம் புறம் மகிழ வாழ்!

காதலாய்!

நான் உனை கண்டேன்,

என் ஏதிரே தோரணமாய்,

எதிர் வீட்டு முற்றத்தில்,

பிம்பமாய்!

Rediscovering me!

Wow, what a fabulous 30 years I have lived.  No regrets whatsoever.  There is something in me that started asking a lot of questions, not that I never asked to myself before.  In the last few years, I have been chasing a new target for life, a new reason, a new beginning.  It is always disputable as to what the heck have I done so far, if I have to begin something today.  I am going to keep it simple, no past, only today and futuristic visions from now on.

I have been a person, living the moment, all along and I will continue to be.  It was initial days in college (Vellore engineering college 2002 pass-out batch). We used to have students segregated in batches irrespective of their course they have opted.  I belonged to the "F batch"; there were totally seven batches named A to F, all valid for the first year only.  The batch concept was good, getting to know more friends than your course-mates; in fact most turned out to be long term.  Also, in the first year, it was all common subjects ranging from Physics, Maths, Chemistry, English, etc.,.

It was one of the English sessions.  Folks were called randomly to talk on the stage; the classroom was setup in such a way that the professor's desk was placed in an elevated platform (like a stage) primarily for visibility of the whole classroom.  I volunteered and started talking; topic being general stuff (anything).  I do not remember a whole lot of crap of what I had talked, but I do remember one thing.  I jumped into social consciousness and talked about how each individual should live only until 30 years and should prove worthy within that time frame; my vivid picture was to kill oneself beyond that time to let others live.  The thought still lingers in my mind; when I crossed my birthday, the plot thickened.  I have not realized myself the deepness in the thought I had glimpsed at that time, until recently.

The motive of that thought was to let everyone live.  The deep philosophy behind that was to give food, clothing and shelter to the next generation and move-on (die).  Why should one do that?  Because there is scarcity of all those basic items and humans were exploiting them already.  So what is the rediscovery? It merely cannot be attributed to life and death; it is about increasing efficiency for the duration of an individual's life.  This thought is the soul of "Atlas Shrugged" by Ayn Rand.  But objectivism is not all true, only the reason is powerful in it, is my thought.

So what next?  Frankly, the rediscovery is going to happen all my life.  To where I stand, I am equipping myself for better learning by learning basic stuff like driving, flying, diving so I can travel to learn what I want to and to do stuff.  Do what stuff?  I find my interests in rectifying social calamities such as water, food and electricity - so a need for "Energy".  Renewable or more efficient, either way, should get it done.  One of the things I have learnt hard is self-dependency and trying to work that logic into everything that I need to run my day to day life.  What is my day to day life?  All I need for survival is water, food (for body), shelter, clothing and food for thought (software development).  It is plain selfishness, one might say, but I am pretty confident that only when my needs are satisfied, can I stretch it to others.  By the way, by being a software architect, I feel when I search for my needs, I will find them in a way that sets an example for others as well, to find on their own.

For instance, when you have your own farm, you can have your own vegetables, rice and spices.  Grow cotton for clothes. You can dig up for water or take it from rain or ocean, purify and use it.  Set up a solar panel on top of your house for power.  Does any of this need any help from anyone once they are setup, I do not think so.  This was the most primitive way a human was living (self-sustained).  I do not need fashionable articles from Paris, rather I will make it myself when I need it.  I will trade for an item but only when it is in my reach, only when my basics are right. Just expand this thought to a village, we have a self-sustaining village. Expand this thought to a country, we have a "sustaining economy".  I think, it is the need of the hour in every place, for every person.  As Michael Jackson sung it, lets make this world a better place!

ஹரிச்சந்திரா திரைப்படத்தில் சிவாஜியின் இறுதி உரை!

வீரமே உருவான கரமே

சோகமே கொண்டு ஏன் நடுங்குகிறாய்,

அபயம் பலருக்கு அளித்த கரம்,

அன்பு காட்டி ஆதரித்த கரம்,

ஆசையோடு அணைத்த கரமே

வெட்ட துணிவதா என எடுத்துக்காட்டி

என் இதயத்தையும் நடுங்க வைக்க பார்கிறாயா?

இதயமே, ஏன் பதறுகிறாய்

நான் படு பாதகத்துக்கு துணிந்துவிட்டேன்,

நீயும் உணர்ச்சி அற்ற கல்லாகிவிடு.

ஏய் பாசமே, இறக்கமற்ற என்னிடத்தில்,

இன்னும் ஏன் இருக்கிறாய்,

அன்பு ததும்பும் வெறு உள்ளங்களை தேடிக்கொள்.

துக்கமே, உலர்ந்து போன உள்ளத்திலே

இனி உனக்கு இடம் இல்லை

ஆசா பாசம் அற்று ஜடப்பொருளாக

என்னை விட்டு செல்லுங்கள்

சூரிய வம்சம் இன்றோடு அழிந்து போகட்டும்!

Honk was the blow of the conch!

One of the things I learnt especially after my broken jaw surgery was "silence". "Patience" obviously was the other aspect I learnt.  I used to be a kid who would never give up a reward coming your way - I will shout to get it when it gets wrongly announced.  On the same manner, I used to always point fingers at someone when there is a problem.  Clearly not a team person - probably that aspect taught me to live alone and self-dependent but  it obviously destroyed the socializing behavior in me.  Of age, destroying "ego" has now become a habit and is still an art being learnt.  The joy is always in the learning.

Giving an advice, I thought was always valuable.  Of course, it makes sense only when asked for - "silence is golden" otherwise.  So here goes the incident.  For a person who does not even bother to snooze, I woke up today to a phone call.  Having skipped the dinner yesterday, I felt hungry and hurried to preparing some breads after the phone call.  I beat my roommate today in waking up but could not beat him for the bath.  Usually my roomie leaves to office at 9am and today was no difference.  Even though I hurried to the bath just after him so I could carpool with him, he had plans of going earlier than usual.  So I thought I can take a cab to office, but unfortunately he left something in the bathroom for which he had to wait for me to finish my bath.  This frustrated my roommate I guess but being the gentleman he is, offered the ride and thus we started off together.

En route to office, there was this signal, where we take left.  There were two left turning lanes and we were on the leftmost one.  So here is the advice - "stick to your lane while taking turns".  I had told this to my friend many times in the past but I kept getting a "thats okay" and "it is legal" kind of responses.  This time though, I kept quiet.  So my friend as usual while taking the left turn goes into the right lane and there was it, the honk from the car to the right of us.  The interesting part this time though was we changed not just one lane to our right, but three lanes.  The honk was so gentle, it was light and only for a fraction-second - I like that from the Americans, a nice warning gesture.  But this honk to me sounded like the blow of the conch just before the war, a signal for death.  Happy it was only a honk rather than a kiss - hopefully my friend had learnt a lesson there.  I would have warned him, but would have only resulted in an even more aggressive behavior from my friend.  I know for sure, he will learn from my silence, as I had learnt many a lesson the same way.

And just coincidence, I read today and learn - "When you are right, keep quiet, and when are you wrong, admit it", this to maintain the relationships.  Not sure if I agree to this completely but for the incident I described, cent per cent.

A diet program that nobody wants! - Part 2

When you cannot eat, the only thing that is left to you is to drink.  My survival confidence when I agreed to the doctor immediately for the treatment was "water".  I never found the meaning of "elixir of life" so apt until the treatment, ever in my life.  I used to always think one would get bored of water and might prefer to die rather than to live.  But the survival tactics taught me better - to survive, boredom was nothing. In fact, monotonic behavior was something I hated all my life and still.  It was a time, I battled my adaptability traits to keep the monotonic behavior at bay.

Necessity is the mother of invention.  Truly, to beat the monotonous eating habits (sorry drinking habits), I had tried several things.  Water was always the fallback.  Only taking protein shakes had side effects especially constipation.  Thus, had to limit their intake, which happened to open my creativity box.  The first thing I did was to get a blender / mixer.  Anything I wanted to eat, I grind them, made it a liquid (even mustard cannot be taken), and then drank it.  So I started preparing proper South Indian food (sambar & rasam) and had them in liquid form.  Juices were another option, but after a while they got bland, but experimented a whole combination of those - coconut was fantastic, a natural coolant.  Shopping was interesting, never been so picky - especially after having learnt to adapt for all the travel I had done.  The best were rasam, congee and curd rice.  Congee (rice porridge) was fantastic as it completely removed my constipation effects.

Eating outside had lessened, and Pho noodles was the only place I could go.  Vietnamese restaurants were a plenty and thus was able to add such a variety.  In general soups were good, because it allowed some nutrition in the form of chicken broths.  One item that largely was missed was fish - never tried to beat them to pulp and have them - Subway tuna's were an option but I stuck to only soups and had everything else at home.

It was a good four weeks in all, reduced about 15-20 pounds and got myself to the right BMI.  This BMI balance, I had been trying for almost 4 years now but all carelessly.  When it was forced upon like this treatment, it was interesting and most welcome.  But it was not the diet program and the weight loss that I liked and learnt in the end.  It was food discipline that I had learnt.  The best diet program I would recommend everyone would be "food discipline".  Even though I knew this all my life, I was probably careless to attempt and understand the benefits of it.

So the day had come when finally my braces / wires were to be removed.  When I had gone for the visit, I had learnt from the doctor that this indeed had been a "diet control program" in Americas about 2 decades ago.  One of the reasons this program had to flop, was that people inadvertently reverted to over heating after the program which defeated the whole exercise and brought back their weight.  Well, all fails definitely when discipline fails!

A diet program that nobody wants! - Part 1

Once we get to mid 20s, it has become normal to worry about diets.  We do not play any outdoor games and we tend to have the same eating habit we had during our teenage - obviously causing obesity.  So first we start workouts, then games, and then lack of friends and interests get us away from the gym.  So diet then becomes the only option.  Atleast all this has been true to me.  But just that I never bothered about going into any diet simply it was spoiling the fun I was having - travel does play a huge role in that.  Was always the fan of the GM diet, never went past the third day of the seven day diet program.  Always wondered whether I carried the right motivation for a diet program.

With a double fractured jaw, getting to know that from doctor was not a surprise to handle.  I thought it was one of the common things that could happen but when I learnt that the healing time could be 6 months to a year, that was a surprise.  With so much advances to medicine and technology, our wait times have still not reduced. My doctor explains that it is not about wait time, but it is about side effects and the years left for my jaw and teeth to withstand the current treatment.

Well, then my grand-father's medicinal expertise could still be handy, I wonder, in taking poison out of body.  Treating ligament tear and bone fractures was an art in itself in my grand parents years, just that my father and I have not carried over the tradition.  Its too late now to think of those as all those journal are either lost or sold.  Those that are sold are clearly neither traceable nor found.

It was a Friday evening around 3pm.  The maxillo-facial surgeon after explaining the treatment procedure also starts explaining the precautions I had to follow after the treatment.  The doctor gave me an option to get it done at that time or on the following Monday as I had to follow the precautions for a month.  Anyone who hears the procedure and precautions would have preferred probably not to even have the "Closed reduction" done.  Being the playful me, I agreed to get it done immediately.  I was happy I was not going to have any flesh-tearing, but little did I realize the kind of trouble the procedure and precautions could get me into.  


The "Closed reduction" procedure was to have dental braces running from end to end on all teeth - one for the upper teeth set and other for the bottom teeth set.  The upper and bottom teeth were made to bite and then there were wires tying the upper braces with the bottom braces.  There was no way I could open the mouth.


Once the mouth could not be open, the precautions were "Not to eat", simple!  The doctor went on to suggest the "diet" for me, gave me the diet pamphlet and brand-ambassador's the protein shakes.  The pamphlet I thought could be my life savior.  And I wondered of myself slowly becoming the brand-ambassador of the protein shakes at the end of the "program".

Who is my doctor?

Getting to know my doctor and the treatment was no easy task.  First off, I felt no pain until my friend touched my cheek.  I hardly even realized I had my face swollen until that touch or poke.  Looking later at the mirror, I was looking like a 'kumbakarnan' or a 'hulk'.  The pain was indeed severe on poking and that is the reason we rushed to the hospital.  Wait, hold on, which hospital do we go?  Do I see a general physician or a dentist?  Since I felt my teeth were loose, I chose a dentist.  But which dentist, general, ortho, perio?  Being in US, getting to an emergency ward could be easy, but least does one know the cost expenses incurred of that.  But being in bed, one would be able to get the specialized doctor in a few minutes - that's the emergency ward.  In actuality, an emergency ward should not be misused for that, especially not for our ignorance.  

Anyways, I was not in any emergency as I was able to withstand the pain and the only discomfort I had was hunger.  So I looked up the possible dentist - who was closest to me (for obvious reasons) under by insurance coverage.  I located a few and we rushed in search of the closest.  Being a software professional I could guess that 'a few' here was always going to be helpful and thus I was able to find only the third closest - the first and second had either shut down, moved or simply have not updated their address to this insurance provider.

The dentist I visited was a practitioner of periodontics.  The dentist took an x-ray of the teeth and he could not find anything in the teeth.  But he found the broken jaw in the x-ray.  He then refers me to a maxillo-facial surgeon and also explains the jaw needs to be fixed so he can check and treat on the teeth. The dentist calls the surgeon office and passes on the x-ray to them, also briefing on my immediate visit there.  And thus I ended up at the surgeon office.

The surgeon examines me and tries to understand the x-ray.  The email from the dentist had not arrived - anyways that was not the first time I had beaten an email, so the surgeon had to take the x-rays again.  After taking the x-ray for about three times (as it was inconclusive the first two times), the doctor explains that the jaw is broken at two places.  The jaw portion exactly below the right bottom wisdom tooth and the other portion on the extreme left end.  It so happens, I hear, that that is the most common kind of fracture in the jaw.

The surgeon starts explaining the treatment procedure.  As the fracture was not so complicated, the doctor decided  "Closed reduction" procedure.  The other procedure "Open reduction" results in tearing the flesh and placing plates for the jaw to not move.  "Closed reduction" on the other hand, doesnt result in any tearing and is achieved with means of braces / wires.

A punch on the face!

Friday nights are always party nights; the crowd, the crazy talks, the enthusiasm, the brightness, the grandeur and of course the fun.  They always arouse you.  All through February though, it was quiet - might be because of the void created by the just ended super bowl, or of the crazy Valentine's day celebrations, or probably I lost interest generally.  Los Angeles always carries party nights, just not Fridays or Saturdays; but any other day of the week too.  It was  a fine Thursday night, 16th February 2012, my roommate and I were bored after office and chose the night off at our regular bar - the Sharkys @ Hemosa beach.  It was also to celebrate my roommate's first anniversary; and to have a ball before he could take his wife on an anniversary vacation out of town (who was living in a different town and was supposed to come down the next day).  As usual, the crowd was fantastic and live.  I left my roomie dance and caught up with extreme sports on the grand TV in the bar.  It was all a fine night, no complaints on the fun.

As it so happens, this night turned out to be very special and an unforgettable one for me.  We were out of the bar during the closure time and were decently drunk.  Neither too low nor too high, just the state you want to be to have a mini beach drive, catch a movie and a good night sleep.  I caught up with a smoke and was surrounded by a decent college crowd.  After being all quiet all through this time, I started conversing with a bunch of fellows around me, just exchanging a 'hi'.  Just then a girl passed by us and gave a broad sigh on us.  I know it was not targeted towards me and I noticed the guy next to me go all silent.  I thought the girl had just ditched him and all  I could tell him was 'bad luck'.  Well the guy turned towards me and gave a nice long stare.  After a while, he uttered a 'wassup'!  The tone was easy to judge for me and I was ready to take this guy, well atleast I thought so.  And so we both started moving around the corner of the street; a little away from the crowd.

After a few minutes I was lying on the ground with a pawed eyebrow and a scraped neck, a bleeding knee and mouthful of blood.  Interesting to observe, all happened in a few minutes; but trying to recollect, all I remember is a punch on the face.  The punch though, as I vividly regain my thought, was a violent one.  A closed right fist from a lean-all-bone'y right armed young man came at a lightning speed to hit my left jaw.  The other thing I was able to recollect in that moment was that there were three to five young men involved rather than one single person.  Not sure, if each had planned a part of my body!

It was drama for the next ten minutes.  Cops around, paramedics flying, I have to admit that I had been stubborn on the pain and had rejected medical attention immediately.  So I chose to continue my beach drive, movie and good night sleep - just that none of those happened.  It was such an uncomfortable sleep stretching well into the noon next day.  My roommate had fortunately a good sleep and had taken off to office the morning and came back noon to home for lunch.  All he had to do was to check my face out to see if I was still bleeding.  Well I was not, but was swollen all over the face.  He touched my cheek and I realized I had a severe problem.  We rushed to the hospital.

It was a double fractured broken jaw!

Stand up!

I am no rich, I am not handsome, I dont even command an army;

But here I am with the confidence to stand up on any challenge,

Do you have a lifetime to see that?

நன்றி!

கம்பு விளைவிக்கும் என்னை, கம்பனை யுன்ன செய்தாய்;
முரடனாய் இருந்த என்னை, பாப்பா பாட்டு பருகச் செய்தாய்;
கலங்கவிருந்த என்னை, கண்ணதாசன் வசம் இழுத்தாய்
கலி முத்தும் எனக்கும், தமிழே நீ சிறந்தாய்!

மனதில் களஞ்சியம்

அகோரம் என்றார்கள், அஞ்ஞானம் என்றார்கள்
அக்கவிதை பேருந்து நிலையத்தில் நிற்கும்போது;
கனவாகும் நிஜங்களும், நினைவாகும் கனவும்
என் நெஞ்சத்துள் சிற்பமாகும் என்று, தெரிவதில்லை
அந்த அற்ப மானிட பதர்களுக்கு!

couriers enhanced!

With so much hype into Google latitude, it eventually came alive around Feb 4th, 2009. Ideas at best especially with Google, this one is just amazing. The thought of such a thing blew me off. I for one, have always wanted to reach out to people or things I need and right at that thought. Now I am a step closer.

Well, I have not planned for G1 or iPhone yet, but I will one day. Seriously, even without all these gadgets, we seemed to have used the latitude concept almost everyday. Let me throw some instances...

(1) Long before mobiles came into being and even before proper land-lines were operational, in a remote village in Tamil Nadu, India, the latitude (or rather map-sense or even Djikstra's shortest path algorithm) was used. One fine day, while none of us were home, the post delivery person (of course, Indian Postal service) had checked our home (those days, they used to check our neighbours too) and eventually couldnt deliver that day. But we were just a couple of hours from home, and when we figured out we missed a post (quite an important one), we were worried. Well, I had different ideas, I sat down thinking about the route (path) the post-man would have taken and kinda figured out where he would have headed and there he was, exactly where I expected him to be. All it took for me was a few calculations on his path (Djikstra's algorithm) and sense for direction (Latitude).

(2) Lets take another instance, the most recent one. It was on Feb 9th, just about 4 days since Google released Latitude, I was again expecting my parcel. This time though, I had a mobile phone and the parcel was to be delivered by UPS, me being in Redmond, WA, USA - a whole different ball game. I used Google Checkout to order a few toys (which had been outdated) online in ToysRUs - for some reason, the delivery address had pointed to my old address and still the address itself was wrong (Apartment number was missing). Sure enough, UPS attempted to deliver, and sure enough, I had called them and updated the address correctly. The only problem was, I had a flight to catch to Chicago around 6pm and UPS had given a nice commitment that they would deliver anytime between 9am and 7pm. I decided to give it a try and thankfully I had a friend in that old address and rushed there (I couldnt change the entire address calling UPS), stayed all day, and was constantly refreshing my tracking number page in UPS.com website. And there you go, at around 3:30pm, UPS made the mistake and they couldnt deliver stating the address was incorrect - well couldnt help that as there was a note (apartment number) to the UPS truck driver which he apparently missed, but thanks to the update system, the tracking number got updated in a few minutes after the driver missed it. I called up the service desk immediately and kinda asked them to send it back to ToysRUs and updated them I cannot recieve because of my travel plans. But the guy on the service desk (Mr. Brown), thanks to him, we had different ideas. He suggested I can track him down, as the driver would not have gone too far (just half an hour). He put me on hold, and in parallel, talked with the driver to connect both of us (both our latitudes). While the conference call was on, my search too was on, I started following the path of the UPS truck religiously, the directions as given by Mr. Brown and there he was, where I could spot him by a few blocks from my old address.

So contrasting time periods, so contrasting technologies, eventually solving the purposes. I love science and technology! So why did I bring in Google latitude here, ah! I hope you have figured it, Google Latitude can now be used to track the driver anywhere by the courier company and sure enough the truck driver can track me wherever I am to deliver it to me - probably someone would patent this idea as they would patent turmeric, and start making big bucks. Of course, the whole privacy war has started (actually heated-up for a while now), but yea, technology can only be enhanced from where it is currently! Google latitude, my brain is turning wild of ideas!

Motivation

Fire is within, but I need oil to burn!

Confidence speaks!

No confidence : Nay, that ain't possible

Confidence : Yo, put it on my table

Over confidence : Yea, what's my offshore for!

No confidence: Wow, you really are a rock star!

Confidence : Good job, seems a challenge well handled.

Over confidence : Thats a piece of cake, you struggled!

No confidence : Nah, I dont want to learn that

Confidence : Show me, I'd like to see that

Over confidence : I know it

No confidence : No human's been there

Confidence : Lemme check it out

Over confidence : I've done that

No confidence : rrrrr... (sleeping)

Confidence : What a pleasant morning!

Over confidence : rrrrr.... (still sleeping)

No confidence : Oh man, she's hot!

Confidence : How about a coffee?

Over confidence : Hey, wanna hang out tonight!

No confidence : in 2 days?

Confidence : Lets put x, y, z in A and move w to B

Over confidence : make it 1 day!

No confidence : Wait, A is for this, B is for that and C was used for ah ahm D

Confidence : This is the outcome of A, this is the outcome of B, do you want to revisit C?

Over confidence : Thats the way C is to be! .... Nope you are wrong about C

No confidence : This company doesnt pay well but extracts a lot of work

Confidence : I think its a fair pay

Over confidence : I am wasting my time here.

No confidence : The policy is unfair, but who cares, my manager asked me to do so

Confidence : The policy is unfair, lemme talk to the management

Over confidence : The policy is unfair, I am going to file a case!